Writing in the Dark

So, over the past few months, I have started blogging and sneaking off to revisit an old love of mine. This old love was always known for being non-judgmental, never saying too much and really just letting me get all my emotions out.

And it NEVER chooses football over me.

So no, I'm not cheating on John (though that woman from the other day certainly thought I was a ho, ho, ho).

In her defense, it WAS Christmas time.

But the love I am talking about is writing.

When I was a kid, I always thought I would be a writer. I loved reading and loved writing even more and really, REALLY thought that I had what it took to be a prolific, successful novelist by the time I hit thirty. I would also have a nice shoe collection and be very, very good looking and have GREAT hair.

Oh, Innocence. You're cute.

Anyway, thirty has come and gone.

I forgot my aspirations for writing somewhere between New Jersey and Virginia when I went to the University of Virginia and got distracted by, well I don't really remember, because I was partying and too driz-unk for most of it to remember what the heck* distracted me.

(* Notice how I used the word heck. One of my New Years Ressies is not to curse anymore. I initially wanted to use another word. See? I am doing better already).

So now that I realize how much writing and this whole outlet has made me feel, hmmm . . . not to sound cheesy, but oh what the fu . . I mean, what the heck. Whole again? (That's not too cheesy, right?), there is a fear that I could give up on it again.

So I write when I can. I work a full time job, which is not so much 9-5, but maybe just a teensy bit more. I come home to my husband and children and try to get dinner on the table (look, even deciding which place you will order takeout from can be VERY high pressure) and we spend some time together as a family. By the time the kids are in bed, I am in my pajamas and so, so ready to go with this whole writing thing.

Welcome back old love.

But the thing is, it's like 10 o'clock at that point and my eyes are already closing in on themselves. But I find a way to keep them open, visit my other bloggy friends and do my own writing for the day.

When I hit "Publish Post" and crawl into bed, it's usually quite, quite late.

When I wake up in the morning, I try to catch a few minutes to respond to any comments. It's hard, but I want to be a socially responsible blogger. But, I am usually HORRIFIED by my evening's post.

Because they are usually riddled with the following:

1) Grammatical errors. My response: "Oh sh . . ., I mean . . . drats!"
2) Spelling mistakes. My response: "What the he . . ., I mean, Yikes!"
3) Incorrect references. My response: "For the love of Go . . . gouda!"
4) Run on sentences that make no sense. My response: "Oh fu . . . . I mean, fudge."

I quickly try to edit it, but then the kids are up, I am late for work and John is looking at me funny when I say, "but I spelled 'its' without an apostrophe and everyone is going to think I am stupid!" which I am sure sounds very stupid in its own way.

Now, to know me is to know that generally, I am very annoying about these kinds of things. I am the friend who reads Facebook statuses and will respond with "I am sorry that you are sad about the Redskins losing. BTW, it's really 'their losing streak', not 'there losing streak'. Just thought you should know."

So maybe in a way, it is good that I write when my guard is down and my love for all the cute, nifty little details of the English language has snuck out the door, ready for it's own deep slumber.

By mid-day, I will have found an opportunity to come back and make my edits, but the damage has been done.

So friends, I ask you to not judge. And I will try not to judge as well. I am going to stop providing free editing on Facebook statuses and things like that if you can turn a blind eye the next time you encounter my garbled writing in the early morning hours.

Happy, Happy New Year everyone.

Here's to a wonderful, curse free (who the he$% am I kidding?) 2010.