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Thursday, January 21, 2010

Confessions

So, I have a confession to make. It's terribly embarrassing and also indicates that I have a really strong need for you to like me and an even worse sense of vanity.

It's worse than telling you that I used to take hours to straighten my hair and that I used to know the people at the MAC counter so well that they sent me Christmas cards.

Not that I'm saying I ever did those things. Those are just examples.

Here goes . . . .

I count my followers.

I get SOOO pumped when new ones join under that "It's OK to be a Follower" section on the left hand nav of this page.

(Yes, over there <--------------------).

So the other day, I realized that I lost a Follower. Now to de-"follow" someone, you actually have to take a step that's REALLY a few steps to remove them from your "Blogs You Follow" List. So three days ago, I lost a Follower. This casualty was a sad one for me.

I am ashamed to say it, but at the same time, I will be straight with you, because if nothing else, I feel like I owe it to myself and you, to be honest.

At first I wondered who it was. I wondered if it was something I said? But then I just kind of came to the following realization.

It was probably all the cursing.


Oops.

I know that over the past few weeks I made a big 'To do" about a whole lot 'O nothing, mainly the fact that I was going to make an effort to stop cursing. So I picked up a few followers here and there, and they probably thought, "Oh, she's a nice girl. She tells cute stories AND she keeps it clean."

But then over the past weeks, I find that I have resorted back to my old (ok, not that old), BAD habits.

And maybe, well maybe, some of you haven't recognized me.

And I also realized that trying to be someone you are NOT is no good. You know how you can try and TRY and TRY to be everything to everybody and then nobody ends up being happy? And then they drink too much and have to take prescription anti-depressants?

That kind of unhappy?

Sometimes I just need to TRY a little less. I think we all do.

The only way that I am going to keep it real here is by really telling you who I am.

So here it goes. (Deep breath).

1) I curse. I try not to at home and when I speak. I try. That's all I can do.

2) If I do curse in this blog, I will make every effort to do things like use cool symbols like %, $, #, @, and !. I find that they are generally underused and deserve some action too.

If seeing something like f%$# or h@$% upsets you, I understand and applaud you for not being as numb to profanity as I have become.

What can I say?

I'm from Jersey.

Exit 10, baby.

3) I can be snarky. I can be sarcastic. I try to be a good person. Again, I try. I would say I am 90% nice and 10% bitch-lite. If you are ok with that, cool. I definitely appreciate the company.

4) I drink. I definitely like my wine. I will tell stories sometimes in which wine is involved. If you want to stick around and are against this, you are free to replace wine with "Orangina" or something else. Or if it offends you, I also understand.

5) I make fun of my kids. I love them, but yes, I definitely make fun of them too. It's how I show my love. I can see how some may find that obnoxious. I think most of my family does.

Like, I can tell my dad gets mad when I refer to Shaila as "Spaz #1." (I only do this behind her back, so really, it's ok). But I am his daughter so he resigns himself to it. And he just doesn't read my blog that often.

That's cool, Papa.

You know me well enough to know that's just how I roll.

6) I give my husband a lot of C.R.A.P. (That's in caps on purpose. There is no point to all the periods in that, except it looked less crass to write it that way).

7) I get defensive about all things Indian and related to my culture. At the same time, I dish it out myself. (But I guess I am one of those who can't take it). As Surferwife mentioned in a previous post, she would not want to be near me in a dark alley if I was armed with a samosa.

8) I try not to offend. Again, I TRY. But sometimes, I just can't help it. I certainly don't mean to.

So, I just felt like I needed to put this all out there. To give you a chance to re-evaluate whether you are really "with me" or kind of ready to go through the three steps or whatnot to be "not with me."

If you do stick along for the ride and if I ever say anything that is even a little "teensy" bit out of line, please feel free to take a break from me, send me an email explaining your feelings so we can "hug it out" and of course, de-follow if you feel you must.

But I hope we continue to roll together. I know I may have scared off a few of you with my spaz-tastic Date Night Lessons (and then I ask myself where Shaila gets it from? Maybe I should just call myself Spaz Senior? Don't answer, strictly rhetorical).

I will try not to go Jerry Springer on you guys. Although I will have to share a few times about how I have gone Jerry Springer in the past. But I am trying to put those days behind me.

Try being the operative word.

XOXO,
Kiran

51 comments:

Sara said...

Hey, that's all you can do.

And personally, I'm down with the swearing. You will never offend me with f-bombs or ass clowns.

Plus, I thought the point of having kids was for the entertainment value. I mean, if you're a parent, I think you deserve at least that much.

Sara Plays House said...

I didn't even notice the swearing. What does that say about me exactly?
Also, I don't "follow" you. But you do have a very coveted spot in my feedreader. Install Feedburner and it will tell you who's reading from readers. Perhaps your missing follower just moved away from Blogger?

Sara Plays House said...

Oh, uh...I see that you already have Feedburner.
Disregard. :)

Cakimmy said...

I like you the way you are... so please TRY not to change! And Shaila can be a spaz at times so I think the name fits :)

Beth said...

Damn it! You curse! I can't believe this shit.

:)

And I make fun of my kids, too. It keeps them humble.

Katie said...

I count followers too- I've been at 69 for three days now and every time I see it, 69, I think dirty thoughts, haha! I hope I didn't offend anyone :)

Seriously, it's your blog! Write what you want and how you want it. I'll keep reading!

Anna See said...

Hee Hee! I feel the same way when I lose a follower! Love your blog and your colorful language, too.

Julie (brown eyed belle) said...

I just found your blog yesterday and I love it! Wine=love, btw. I know how it feels to be de-followed. And I was like 'What? Did I say something? What did I do?' And then I realized the people who really love my blog and understand me are still here and that's what matters! Have a wonderful night, lovely!

SaraPlaysHouse.com said...

How is this?

Allyson said...

I can only continue to follow you if I can replace "sh&*" with shitfire and "wine" with "vodka." And I would prefer to hug it out over that yummy potato thing you all make that sort of looks like an apple crostada but is SOO not. I swear if you make me eat that Indian spinach C.R.A.P though it's ON like donkey kong. And why don't you all have a good chocolate dish? Ranjit makes me eat this rice stuff that I do not dig. But I quit eating tortillas and only eat naan. YUM-O. And if you are offensive, then I must be Andrew Dice Clay's little sister. Fuck.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

OMG. We have nothing in common and I must de-follow.

Pshhhha. Girl, you stay true to yourself and do not worry about making everyone happy. Just me. And Sara (both Sara's actually) because i heart them.

But really, it's their loss and don't change a dang thing about you, lovemuffin.

Ruth J said...

i love your blog and read it every day. i don't always leave comments (i think this is my second comment ever), but i read it everyday.

don't change your style. you are very entertaining and a good writer. i found you from Glennon. G is my sister's neighbor.

Nathanael Rey said...

Umm. I'm here to stay. You can't get rid of me that easily.... I am like a crazy ex girlfriend.

Nikita said...

LOL....the timing of this post could not have been better. seriously. i lost a follower yday and hav been scratching my head over it. :P

and swearing? seriously??? it's hardly even noticeable!

Nipun said...

People swear and curse too.
These seem to be some real confessions. HAHA

Cheers

Nuts

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Dude, I have heard that there is a problem with blogger where followers drop and reappear at random (no lie). You might want to look into that. Also, anyone that would unfollow you because the got offended must have a very low tolerance - like Dana Carvey's Church Lady or some other really tightly wound hag. By my barometer, your confessions sound tame and normal. Screw the haters (not that you have any) and pour yourself another glass of wine. I'll be right here, Cosmo in hand reading along.

Shell said...

And these are all the reasons that I adore you. LOL

Caroline said...

It's all good . . . I try a lot of things, too . . . some have gotten me in more trouble. At least effort was involved.

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Cue music - I love you just the way you are . . . da da da, da da da da! You are you and if that includes cursing, so be it. I can tell by reading your posts that you have a good heart and you tell great stories. You make me laugh too. And really, that's all I care about. Don't beat yourself up too much about losing one follower. It is their loss!

Amy said...

Well, shit Kiran!

Personally, cursing does not bother me in the least!!! If anything, it will actually attract me to a blog. I think it says:

a)Hey, I don't take myself too seriously

and b)There are a hell of alotta things worse out there than an F bomb. or two.


For some reason, I never jumped on the follower bandwagon. I just don't really get it. I follow blogs but I don't take the necessary measures to "follow" blogs, you know?

Also? Red wine is a food group for me! Love you! Love your blog! Love your potty mouth! Love it all!

Have a great weekend, hun;)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I know what you mean, when my number of followers decrease I always wonder what I did .... well, sort of, for a second or two. I make fun of my husband ... a lot. Last summer when I was under attack by the anonymous illiterate person, it seemed to bother them a whole lot. My husband loves it, and he is the only one who really matters......

xoxoKrysten said...

I do the same thing lady. Every time I lose a follower I wonder WHY? It's like when I used to serve - every now and again I'd get stiffed on my tip. And it always seemed to happen when I thought everything went fine. So then I was left wondering what I did to make them not tip me.

MiMi said...

Sweety! Don't feel bad about the follower...I am guessing that they are not someone you would connect with anyway if they were offended by the cursing.
Look, I curse ALL THE TIME. I try not to on my blog except the occasional hell, crap, etc.
I have the FBomb Friday meme going on and I was afraid I'd lose followers. Again. :/ I haven't. Yet.
But who cares if you say SHIT sometimes? See? I said it! SHIT DAMN HELL. Okay, I'm done.
I think they're just jealous that you're fabulously beautiful and have a gorgeous family. So there.

Senita said...

I must admit, this blog had me rolling! "What can I say? I'm from New Jersey. Exit 10, baby" is my new disclaimer.

Your self-description is classic. With the exception of #6 (I'm not married), this is me. Ya know... except for the Indian part. Although I do get a bit touchy about all things Latina - even though I'm not Latina. (hmm... I should probably think about that... ya know, do a self-examination.)

Anyway, I commend you for putting yourself out there like this. You have a big heart. I probably would have said "F%rg#t you and your sensitive eyes." But hey that's just me. So I give you a virtual big squeezie hug, a big coffee mug of Merlot, and a giant slice of NY style raspberry swirl cheesecake with an ungodly amount of whip cream on top.

Cheers!

Salt said...

I was looking back at some of my old blog posts the other day and they all seemed kind of stiff like I was hiding something. Then as I kept blogging I got more comfortable and my weird started to show a little. Then I posted a picture of me stuck in a bike rack. So you know that everything you just listed are reasons I enjoy your blog so much. If people don't like it, screw em!

(If I could count my followers, which I can't and which is probably a good thing because I'd obsess over it, I wonder how many I would have lost with that bike rack picture?)

xo

Masala Chica said...

Wow. You guys are awesome. Really, really awesome. The fact that you didn't turn away when I said that wine is nominated for "best supporting actress in a reality series" every night at my house, says it all.

Here's to keeping it real homies.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

I feel so much better now :-)
Kiran

jessalyn said...

i enjoy the swears, myself. but that is probably just because i have the mouth of a dirty trucker. :)

Meg said...

hi...
1. love your blog!
2. curse away!

xo meg

foxy said...

Ahhhh... it always makes you wonder when you're one follower short, huh? And you're like, who was it that left?? Who did I offend?? The long and short of it is that you can't please everyone. I guess you can be glad they didn't stick around and leave ugly comments for you, right? To each their own, girl.

I know I'm new here, but i happen to like you just the way you are.

Happy weekend!

Tracie said...

You could write a whole post full of cursing and I would still lurve you. Also, you could write a whole post full of sickening sweet odes to your fabulous life and I would still lurve you.

It's your blog. Be yourself. Try not to stress about your numbers.

PS Sometimes the actual number of followers doesn't match what is displayed on the widget.

lacochran said...

When I log in, I check my followers number of Blogger and how many followers I have on Google Reader. Occasionally, someone drops off. And it's a little sad. No note. No text message. No dear john letter. Just gone. But as long as the trending over all is up, you know, over time, even if it's, um, a stretched out span, then, uh, I guess I'm okay with it.

Yeah.

I'm fine.

It's not a problem.

*stubs toe in dirt*

Yeah.


FWIW, I think you're very entertaining as you are.

AJ said...

Hi.

I am also a follower noticer (which is why I found it odd that I WASN't following you all that time I thought I was... that happens sometimes)

Anyshinyobject, I was going to say that the 2 times I have noticed my number go down I decided that sometimes someone follows who is a spammer. If I deleted their comments too many times, they UNfollow. I would guess that there couldn't be anything wrong with YOU.

I would bet it was that there was something wrong with THEM.

That's what I tell myself anyways. :) I like you. So, what else matters?

Lemon Gloria said...

I think all you can be is yourself. What other space do you have that is entirely and only about what you want it to be? The people who are going to like you will, and the ones who aren't so interested, well, really, how much can they matter in your world? You probably wouldn't like them in person anyway.

My 2 rupees.

blueviolet said...

I didn't think to follow you the other day when I met you and since you were on Friday Follow, this is the perfect time to do it! I enjoyed your post so much that day and this one is great!

I LOVE that you're going back to being your true self. That's the only way to have fun!

Liz C. said...

I totally hear you on the whole being obsessed w/ your number of followers thing. I'm new to this world of blogging (and just read your blog for the first time), so my number of followers is quite tiny, BUT every time I log in I always hope that maybe one more person became a follower :)

Sarah said...

I understand how it feels to lose a follower :(.
But look at how many comments you have! You are definitely loved :).

Masala Chica said...

Hey guys - all of you really made my day. I know I am not the best about commenting back during the day - but honestly - how sweet are all of you. You're just the best f%$%ing people I have never met and I really wish I could get a d%$% opportunity to hang with all of you.

Go make me proud this weekend. Come back with a DNL for me ;-)
Kiran

Juliana said...

I very much enjoyed this blog--I look at my followers list ALL the time...well the number anyhow. It makes me so happy, but I do get really sad when I lose someone. Well-if they cannot handle you we can and we love ya. I really loved all these things you wrote.

Thank you for posting the ? on my blog--it is going to take me a long time to answer they are all so hot..I better do some research! tee hee

Maven said...

I totally relate.

It's the reason I decided to remove my followers gadget. I don't want the stress of worrying about who's reading or following and who isn't because I'm a Type A personality and my feelings get easily hurt ;)

Melinda said...

Thanks for being so real and honest ... My goal is to do that on my blog, too. I've lost a few followers in the past, too, and I always try not to take it personally, but I do. But I can't be anyone but who I am -- for better or worse. And people are free not to like that (sniff! ;0)

But I think that part of really connecting (via cyberspace or real life) is being genuine and accepting each other for who we are -- even when we don't always agree.

Personally, I think it would be pretty miserable to be going around being offended all the time and just sticking with people who are exactly like us.

So, don't sweat the non-follower, girl. Just keep being who you are.

Shandal said...

Girl, I heart you for all of those reasons you listed and b/c you are so honest and a very genuine kind person. I will never de-follow you!

Namaste_Heather said...

I love your blog! Your personality comes through in your posts. Don't change a thing, girl. We should all embrace ourselves just as we are. That's what makes the world such a beautiful place!

parentingBYdummies said...

Oohh...I like you! Best part is that it looks like I'll get to meet you soon. Not because I'm a creepy stalker or anything. I swear, I don't care what people say, it's not true. But, I live in Maryland and will be at the Bloggy Boot Camp too! I'll have to follow you and read all your archives in case they have trivia there. Kidding, I'm doing it because I'm nosy. I went to SITScation so I know there won't be any trivia:)

Ams said...

Oh sweet lady... haha I am the same way. Counting the followers... counting the de-followers. Is that the word? No it's un-follow. Whatever.
It's your blog, talk about what you wish!!
I love that you are real, I love that you are passionate and I love that you don't pretend to be something that you aren't. THAT'S why you have followers - so don't stop!

MONICA-LnP said...

you got yourself a new follower ,I love your sense of humor and the cussing too!

Amber Page Writes said...

If you can't be yourself on your own blog, than where the hell can you let it all out?

Oops, that was a swear. Sorry, all!

danita said...

stopping by from shell's site--me too! i only have a piddly 16 followers on my blog, but 2x i had 17 and then, poof!, someone was gone! i guess i'm just boring. and, when you said indian, i thought you meant american indian and i was all like, really, american indian,from jersey? hmm? clearly, i need more coffee!

singedwingangel said...

Y aknow what if you can't be you then why try. People love you for who you are and when you try to change they understand the TRY part. IT don't happen overnight... Found ya at Things I can't say.. and am a new follower complete with button on my blog page lol

Lisa said...

Popping in from Shell's blog...

Love this post...all I gotta say is Keep it real!

gina said...

Came via Shell's blog- she called you a kick -A#% blogger, so apprently, it wasn't her. ;)



These only make you human, as far as I can see. Oddly enough, I swear ALL THE TIME IRL, but never on my blog. Apparently there is a filter between my brain and my fingers, that doesn't exist between my brain and my mouth. :)

Arizona Mamma said...

Shell sent me, and I am glad I took her advice. So now, you've gained a follower!!

I do the same $h!t sometimes ;)

 

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