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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Exciting News from the House of Pain

Hey Guys,

I got a really cool message last night and am super pumped about a cool new opportunity. I am going to be one of the writers for the the DC Metro Moms, part of the Silicon Valley Mom's Group. I am excited and will be (annoying them over there, just like I do to you EVERY day over here) a valued contributor to that group.

I think.

Now for what happened two nights ago in the Hiz-ouse of Pain.


Ow. Ow. Ow. OW!

On Monday night I lay in bed, in excruciating pain. I had a tummy ache to end all tummy aches. I didn't know what was happening. Is this the end? I thought. John is on a business trip. Should I wake my neighbors?

Who will take care of Nico and Shaila if I don't make it? Will they even remember me?

These were the thoughts going through my head. What could have caused this pain? I tried to go back through the possible causes.


That's what it HAD to be. A friend had been raving about how effective it had been for her and let me borrow the 12 DVD extreme workout collection and I had done my second hour long DVD last night. I had felt pretty good while I was doing it, but when you haven't worked out in like, 8 months, baby steps are probably a better idea than going in whole hog.

Oink, oink.

But I felt ok when I was doing it. I mean, I had some trouble breathing and took a few more water breaks than necessary but really, I could already tell my butt was getting smaller. That's part of what made the water breaks longer. I had to keep running to the mirror to see the fast results.

So the technicalities of oxygen intake were really just that.

Could it be stress related? Work?

THAT must be it, I thought. I knew that I was meant to be a lady of leisure. (Please pronounce that as "lea-sure". And hold your pinky up at the same time. It makes you look fancy, I have found).

That's that! I said. I am going to tell John that I will need to quit my job tomorrow. I can't let it impact my health in this way. People with sensitive tummies need to take special care with the type of stress inducing activity they take on.

I was pretty positive that was it. I was already planning what I would do with with all the time I would have when I was being all "leisure-ly."

It couldn't have been my dinner. Nah. I quickly dismissed that! I had gone to the store and gotten that free range organic chicken that I had prepared for Shaila along with lime infused brown rice and my garlic sauteed spinach.

And then it came back to me. Like a big GOB-suh-mack in the face.

That whole organic chicken thing that had sounded like a great idea, except that I was running late coming home from the stress inducing job and so I had to kind of improvise and take just a few shortcuts with dinner last night? Well, I forgot that instead of being the awesome gourmand that I (pretend to be) am, I made a quick pitstop at the gourmet Mexican restaurant on the way home from work.

Chez Taco Bell did not let me down.

I wasn't sure what Shaila would like so I invested a whole ten dollars in the following:

1) 1 Mexican pizza
2) 1 Border Nacho
3) 1 Bean and Cheese Burrito
4) 3 Beef tacos

At dinner, I wasn't sure how much Shaila ate. Or how much I ate. Of the organic free range chicken. I mean, Mexican pizza.

But after I checked more stress causing messages on my Blackberry whilst scarfing down whatever it WAS that I did eat, I decided it was time for P90X.

As the next wave of pain hit, I knew.

That I would not be a lady of lea-sure. (pinky up! Up).

Darn you, Mexican Pizza and P90X.

Lethal combination. The first part should have been enough. Mexican + pizza just does not sound like they are in synch. Mexican + pizza + P90X + petite Indian girl + (yes - another plus) my crackberry and you have . . .

ba dum pum.

Kiran's Worst Tummy Ache. Ever.

P.S. John. PLEASE, just get home. Because dinner tonight was frozen mini samosas and frozen brown rice. (so everyone feels better, they weren't frozen when we actually ate them. But they were 3 minutes before we did).




MONICA-LnP said...

love it,you are too funny!what a great happy blog you have and I love your title.

MiMi said...

You are SO cute. I know, explosive tummy aches aren't cute, but the way you tell it!! : )
Also, yeah, mexican pizza will get you EVERY.TIME.
And the P90X is killing all of my friends right now, too.
Congrats on your new opportunity! Sounds exciting, you're a great writer so you'll be a perfect fit!
I "pinkied up" every time I read lea-sure. It DOES make me feel rather dainty. Just like my fake British accent.

Sara said...

Taco Bell will never let you down. Without fail, you get the night sweats, horrible indigestion and your hair ends up smelling like burrito.

I usually end up doing yoga breaths by the toilet.

It's good going down, though!

Ams said...

Ohhhh I hate those kind of tummy aches.
I always try to think of all the irrational things it could be before looking at the obvious... you know - like the 19 oreo cookies I just dipped in milk. That could NOT be it.

Have a great evening lovely lady :)

Beth said...

And that is why I call that place Taco Hell. It never fails to make me sick.

Feel better!

Theta Mom said...

Good for you for the new opportunity! Yay! BTW, I tagged you and linked you at Theta Mom chickie! Be sure to come by and check it out! ;)

theschmuck said...

OOOh,I know those!B*tch caused by indigestion...cause I ate too much. :P You are Cu-UUUUTE!
Take care chica,not too much msala for a while,kapish?

The Only Girl said...

Oh - poor you! Take some Pepto, have a nap and a crap, and you should be feeling better in no time. You're welcome.

jessalyn said...

yay you for doing p90x! apparently all the cool kids are doing (i am not cool...yet.) but hearing everyone else loving it is kinda making me want in on the fun.
i will not eat taco bell before doing it though.

you should still quit your job and be a lady of leisure though. you deserve it.

Salt said...

I have not eaten Taco Bell in probably 12 years, but it warms my heart to know that their food hasn't changed a bit. (Food poisoning has a way of turning you off from a place.)

So you ran for the border AND did the P90X? No wonder you didn't feel well! My sources say that P90X is the devil.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Oooh, can't wait to hear about the DC Metro Moms gig! And yes, Taco Smell Hell is the worst tummy ache ever!

Erin said...

oh yes. Doesn't take much to upset my tummy and I would've been right there with you!

p.s. your comments on my blog yesterday were so thoughtful. Thank you so means a lot to me!

lacochran said...

"...but really, I could already tell my butt was getting smaller. That's part of what made the water breaks longer. I had to keep running to the mirror to see the fast results."


I had enough trouble trying to do P90 without attempting P90X. Most impressive!

Lemon Gloria said...

I am certain that your kids would've remembered you, but I'm glad you made it.

And wow, you don't do anything half way, do you?

Anna See said...

Ouch! This is why I never exercise. Wouldn't want to give up the Taco Bell! Hope you are feeling better.

Sarah said...

You are so funny! I have all sorts of crazy thoughts such as yours when something seems to go awry (for example - who will take care of the kids). That Mexican Pizza can be so good (but also so bad).
Hope you are feeling better :)

Andrea said...

You are a crack up! Thanks for the laugh! Stopping by from SITS!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Hope your tummy is back to normal..... I just had a taco salad, but I made it myself....

Sherri said...

OMG, hilarious. (As a side note...if you ever need those neighbors to come to your us, we'll be there.)

Nikita said...

Good Lord! You are a very funny woman. Oh to write such a hilarious post about an aching tummy. pat on the back, lady. pat on the back.

i discovered your blog only today and have spent an insane amount of time catching up on your previous posts. LOVE your level of crazy. and will be back every time to remind you of that now :)

kys said...

Whew. I was actually thinking of investing in the P90X dvd's. Now I'm convinced that I'm much too delicate.


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