Those Secret Asians

A few weeks ago, I did a post about how as a second generation immigrant, I wasn't always as "in touch" with pop culture and popular slang sayings that were never spoken in our house. This made things translate in a very odd way for me which I have revealed to you in all my vulnerability.

So be nice.

Recap:
chump change = junk change
Application:
Is this all you are giving me? I can't buy anything with this junk change! It's junk, that's how small it is!

What am I supposed to by with this? Junk, for ants?


the jig is up = the gig is up
Application:
Oh man, they totally know that guy is scamming everybody. The gig is up. He will have to find a new gig, maybe working at a new company.

poetic license = poetic justice
Application:
Oh that Beyonce, her song lyrics don't need to make sense. She is so pretty that I am sure she is afforded some poetic justice.

It's downright embarrassing. I know it. You know it. My family doesn't because most of them usually nod along because it sounds right to them. Which in a way, makes it EVEN worse.

That is why I wrote the post on Moo Moments, which is when you THINK you are saying something but in fact, you sound like a moron and are way way off.

This happens a lot with songs. I got some great feedback when I did that post on what others had used for their own lyrics. (Oh and thanks for not leaving me hanging looking like an a$%#ole.)

Bon Jovi - Living on a Prayer

Janine mentioned that while the original lyrics are "Gina works the diner all day," she thought it was "Gina wants to die of old age." I told her that with all the hours Tommy was working the docks, this made a lot of sense.

Whitesnake - Here I Go Again

My really smart Sorority Sister - Lisa - informed me that she used to think that the infamous Whitesnake lyrics were "Here I Go Again on my own. Like a Twister I was born to walk alone." She seemed to think that was silly but two things:

1) Tawny Kitaen was kind of dancing around like she was in a twister or something crazy with all those splits.

2) I don't want to hang out with a twister. Would you? I don't think anyone except a crazy storm chaser who would want to hang with a twister. And those guys are freaky and probably piss off the twister too.

So yeah - they are probably very lonely.

Stevie Wonder - Part Time Lover

Another sorority sister of mine - Betsy (look, our sorority had the highest GPA at UVA so I don't know what's going on here), but she admitted that instead of "Part-Time Lover," her sister would sing "Apartheid Lover."

She was still probably caught up in all those "songs for a cause" movement and got confused. You know, Feed the World, Let your Apartheid Lover Know its Christmas time.

So yeah, these things happen. I am sure Bob Geldof ran into it all the time.

But I will leave you with one last one. One I was too embarrassed to tell you about.

For a long time, I always thought the song "Secret Agent Man" was really "Secret Asian Man" which really is very odd.

There was nothing racially motivated about it. Apparently I'm just dumb.

So. Secret Asian Man. And what would that mean, really? I have tried to justify it in my head knowing that it was only a few years ago that the correct lyrics dawned on me.

I have thought long and hard about this. I think I may have been thinking about our friend Garth.

Garth is awesome. Garth is great. He is a kick-ass soccer player. But if you heard a name like Garth, would you imagine that he was Japanese in ethnic origin?

Hmmmm. I think not.

It would almost be like . . . . a secret.

So here's Garth - he is my Secret Asian Man:

SHHHHH. Don't tell anybody.