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Friday, November 20, 2009

Moo is the Word of the Day

I am pretty sure you guys have all seen this episode of "Friends." You know, the one where Joey and Rachel have this very enlightened conversation (If you haven't click on the link and definitely watch):

Joey: All right, Rach. The big question is, "does he like you?" All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.
Rachel: Huh. A moo point?
Joey: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.

- Friends,
"The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs"

I have had many moo moments in my life. I don't know if its because I have been shielded by common cultural slang that just wasn't spoken in my Indian household or I overlooked an important memo sometime in middle school.

Whatever the reason, I have definitely had some moo moments.

Who's the Chump Now?
Some time ago, I was talking to John about our credit card charges and trying to explain to him that some of my purchases were really not that big of a deal and that he NEEDED TO BACK OFF. While the CUMULATIVE charges of all the individual items may SEEM like a lot of money, I had really purchased a lot of small things and how could he overlook how efficient I was really being?

He did not understand my logic that if you make 10 separate purchases on Amazon that add up to $200, it is not the same thing as buying everything in one $200 order.

But then, John explained to ME that, while he APPLAUDED my ingenuity in taking breaks between hitting the "Submit Order" button, that each of these separate purchases still ends up being charged in the same credit card cycle, apparently.

Ooooooohhhhhh. I said.

Exactly. He said.


As he started getting just a tad bit aggressive about a particular $33 charge for a new thermometer I had purchased FOR THE WELFARE OF MY CHILDREN (the cost of which I have already justified in this previous post), I fired back.

"Whatever! It's junk change!"
"Excuse me?"
"Junk change. Like, it's so insignificant that it's junk."

Now, this makes perfect sense to me. Doesn't it make sense to you?

It took a few minutes for John to stop laughing (at me, not with me. he's sweet like that.) before he explained that the saying was "Chump Change" and not, in fact "Junk Change."

I wondered how many times I had used this saying with friends or in meetings and how many people were secretly laughing about me behind my back.

Or worse, feeling sorry for me because they just thought I was slow.

Just to be clear - I still like "junk change" better - it makes a lot more sense to me. So I will just boycott this saying from now on, unless anyone is on board with starting a movement to encourage adoption of the "junk change" phrase. This is how you start a revolution, friends.

And I ain't nobody's chump.

All this got me thinking. Where else do I have moo moments?

Sing a song of six hens, right?

I know that my biggest moo vulnerabilities come around song lyrics. I sometimes will have the utmost confidence that I know the lyrics to a song and will sing them at the top of my lungs and John will again burst my bubble.

John, you're really, really killin my buzz.

SO - Blinded by the Light - I know that I was one of the many who incorrectly sang the song at the top of my lungs, with the windows down screaming about being wrapped up like a douche.

In fact, the correct line is "revved up like a deuce" or "cut loose like a deuce" in the Springsteen version. But on this one, I feel a little better, because I think everyone else ALSO thought it was the same thing as me.

Not saying EVERYONE, but yeah - you pretty much know who you are are.

Here are other songs I have inadvertently slaughtered in the past.

Madonna, "Material World" - "Some boys kiss me, Some boys hug me, I think they're all gay!"
(Correct lyric: "I think they're ok.")
Again - I like my line better. More drama. It's fun having gay friends. They are more fun to shop with than guys that are just "ok."

REM, "Losing My Religion" - "Let's pee in the corner. Let's pee in the spotlight."
(Correct lyric: "That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight.")
Well that's a little self-involved, no, Mike Stipe? In my version, It sounded like they were trying to encourage group activity which seems much more democratic and in line with the liberal leanings of this band.

U2, "One" - "It's too Late, Tonight. To drag your pants out into the light."
(Correct lyric: "To drag the past out into the light.") I was young. No excuse.

Neil Diamond
, "Cherry, Cherry" - "She's got some weight to lose now cherry."
(Correct lyric: "She got the way to move me Cherry")
Listen - Neil - love you, but, um . . . we gotta work on that enunciation.

So fine, maybe I have more moo moments than I want to admit. But don't we all?

No, really? Don't we? I need you to help me out here.

I implore you, my friends, to tell me what your moo moments were so that I don't sit out here twiddling my thumbs and thinking I'm the only jackass who doesn't know these things. I probably will still twiddle my thumbs, cuz its an awful tic that I have, but would love to hear your own "moo moments" when you want to share.

So moo at me tomorrow. Tell me I'm not alone!

Thank you! Masala Chica


Beth said...

As a person with a hearing impairment (hearing aid are just that... aids - not cures), my whole life has been one moo moment after another!

Personally, I like your lyrics better. In fact, I might change them when I sing along.

Glennon said...

Hmm..okay I have to think on this one. This isn't EXACTLY a moo point...but during my First Communion, when I went in to to see the priest...instead of the Act of Contrition I said the entire Pledge of Allegiance.
Like, you know..
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I pledge allegiance to the flag, of the United States Of America." and so on and so forth.
That was pretty moo.

Kiran (Masala Chica) said...


Thanks for your masala :-) I can imagine that with a hearing impairment, you might have even more moo moments. However, as you can see - sometimes the moo moments make a lot more sense than how it's "supposed to be."

Glennon - that's ridiculously funny. What did the priest say when you were done? Say ten Hail Marys and hang a flag up? That is DEFINITELY moo.

Thanks for sharing guys.

Nick said...

This might not be particularly funny, but honestly until late high school, I thought the way you pronounced "Plymouth" was "Ply Mouth". I guess I just said it as a kid, didn't get corrected, and then went on saying it that way for 16 years. I felt really stupid because I got called out in class when I (the really smart kid who aced everything) made a reference to Plymouth Rock (where the Mayflower landed) and set the whole class laughing.

Nick said...

OK so after I posted that I was just thinking some more about the "moo" phenomenon, and the most amazing one I've ever heard about. You probably were there when it happened. The "philoso-popsicle" incident. Still makes me laugh. If you weren't there, you'll have to ask Hao or Jeremy for a rundown.

Masala Chica said...

I actually was there when the whole philoso-fecal conversation happened which of course became philosopopsical. it got ugly fast. I still have scars.

sad sad day at the office. ok, maybe not sad - but majorly effed up.

Nick said...

Yeah I guess since I wasn't there I was able to just laugh at it, but it did sound intense...

Masala Chica said...

Well, it was pretty funny. I think my mouth had dropped and several flies were able to fly in because it took me a few minutes to recollect myself. said...

sharktooth vs. houndskin

Janine said...

I have a lot of these too, mostly related to song lyrics.

BonJovi "Gina works the diner all day" which I thought was "Gina wants to die of old age"

Masala Chica said...


Well I would too with Tommy working the docks all day.


What were you supposed to think?



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