Moo is the Word of the Day

I am pretty sure you guys have all seen this episode of "Friends." You know, the one where Joey and Rachel have this very enlightened conversation (If you haven't click on the link and definitely watch):

Joey: All right, Rach. The big question is, "does he like you?" All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.
Rachel: Huh. A moo point?
Joey: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.
- Friends, "The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs"

I have had many moo moments in my life. I don't know if its because I have been shielded by common cultural slang that just wasn't spoken in my Indian household or I overlooked an important memo sometime in middle school.

Whatever the reason, I have definitely had some moo moments.

Who's the Chump Now?
Some time ago, I was talking to John about our credit card charges and trying to explain to him that some of my purchases were really not that big of a deal and that he NEEDED TO BACK OFF. While the CUMULATIVE charges of all the individual items may SEEM like a lot of money, I had really purchased a lot of small things and how could he overlook how efficient I was really being?

He did not understand my logic that if you make 10 separate purchases on Amazon that add up to $200, it is not the same thing as buying everything in one $200 order.

But then, John explained to ME that, while he APPLAUDED my ingenuity in taking breaks between hitting the "Submit Order" button, that each of these separate purchases still ends up being charged in the same credit card cycle, apparently.

Ooooooohhhhhh. I said.

Exactly. He said.

Anyhoo.

As he started getting just a tad bit aggressive about a particular $33 charge for a new thermometer I had purchased FOR THE WELFARE OF MY CHILDREN (the cost of which I have already justified in this previous post), I fired back.

"Whatever! It's junk change!"
"Excuse me?"
"Junk change. Like, it's so insignificant that it's junk."

Now, this makes perfect sense to me. Doesn't it make sense to you?

It took a few minutes for John to stop laughing (at me, not with me. he's sweet like that.) before he explained that the saying was "Chump Change" and not, in fact "Junk Change."

I wondered how many times I had used this saying with friends or in meetings and how many people were secretly laughing about me behind my back.

Or worse, feeling sorry for me because they just thought I was slow.

Just to be clear - I still like "junk change" better - it makes a lot more sense to me. So I will just boycott this saying from now on, unless anyone is on board with starting a movement to encourage adoption of the "junk change" phrase. This is how you start a revolution, friends.

And I ain't nobody's chump.

All this got me thinking. Where else do I have moo moments?

Sing a song of six hens, right?

I know that my biggest moo vulnerabilities come around song lyrics. I sometimes will have the utmost confidence that I know the lyrics to a song and will sing them at the top of my lungs and John will again burst my bubble.

John, you're really, really killin my buzz.

SO - Blinded by the Light - I know that I was one of the many who incorrectly sang the song at the top of my lungs, with the windows down screaming about being wrapped up like a douche.

In fact, the correct line is "revved up like a deuce" or "cut loose like a deuce" in the Springsteen version. But on this one, I feel a little better, because I think everyone else ALSO thought it was the same thing as me.

Not saying EVERYONE, but yeah - you pretty much know who you are are.

Here are other songs I have inadvertently slaughtered in the past.

Madonna, "Material World" - "Some boys kiss me, Some boys hug me, I think they're all gay!"
(Correct lyric: "I think they're ok.")
Again - I like my line better. More drama. It's fun having gay friends. They are more fun to shop with than guys that are just "ok."

REM, "Losing My Religion" - "Let's pee in the corner. Let's pee in the spotlight."
(Correct lyric: "That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight.")
Well that's a little self-involved, no, Mike Stipe? In my version, It sounded like they were trying to encourage group activity which seems much more democratic and in line with the liberal leanings of this band.

U2, "One" - "It's too Late, Tonight. To drag your pants out into the light."
(Correct lyric: "To drag the past out into the light.") I was young. No excuse.

Neil Diamond, "Cherry, Cherry" - "She's got some weight to lose now cherry."
(Correct lyric: "She got the way to move me Cherry")
Listen - Neil - love you, but, um . . . we gotta work on that enunciation.

So fine, maybe I have more moo moments than I want to admit. But don't we all?

No, really? Don't we? I need you to help me out here.

I implore you, my friends, to tell me what your moo moments were so that I don't sit out here twiddling my thumbs and thinking I'm the only jackass who doesn't know these things. I probably will still twiddle my thumbs, cuz its an awful tic that I have, but would love to hear your own "moo moments" when you want to share.

So moo at me tomorrow. Tell me I'm not alone!

Thank you! Masala Chica