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Thursday, November 19, 2009

Butt of Course

One of the thing I hate doing more than ANYTHING as a mother is taking my children's temperature.



I'm pretty sure my kids feel the same way I do. See Exhibit A below.

Exhibit A

Not because I don't love them and their little itty bitty bums - but because I feel like I am always going to inadvertently hurt them or they will poop on me in the process.

I had one of those fancy ear thermometers that some of my friends got for me at my baby shower, but it was not nearly as accurate. The nurse at Shaila's Doctor's office would look at me like I was a moron when I would bring Shaila in with a fever and told her how I came about reading my child's temperature.

Apparently, good mothers know that "butt is best."

Hmmm. That sounds really perverted.

Context, everybody.


About a month ago, Shaila's forehead felt kind of warm, so I took her upstairs to go about this not so pleasant task. As my daughter looked up at me, old enough where she no longer is cool with me clumsily sticking things up any crevices, I realized she was probably like:


And rightly so. Remember that later in life too Shaila - it's not cool for ANYBODY to get anywhere NEAR your crevices. Especially the captain of the football team.

ESPECIALLY the captain of the football team.

Even if he looks like Exhibit B.

Exhibit B

All crevices are SACRED until you are at least 25.

Not that she said that. What she said was:

"Mommy, whatcha doing?"
"Taking your temperature, baby," beads of sweat dripping onto her changing table.
"Oh!!! Taking my tem-pa-chur. Co-oo-ool!" Everything is cool to Shaila. I positioned the thermometer.
"Hey Mommy!? Why are you sticking something up my hi-nee?" now looking at me like I was a nut.

Suffice to say, she didn't think it was cool anymore.

Neither did I, so we were in complete agreement, which is very, very rare in our household.

So, when my friend Jen told me about this wonderful gadget, I was over the moon. Finally, the answer to my prayers! See Exhibit C.

Exhibit C

It's the Exergen Temporal thermometer. It's like a magic wand. You just press the button and slide it over the forehead really fast and it gives you your baby's temperature.

This thing is a gift from God.

I know, I KNOW. So are my children.

But THIS is MUCH, MUCH quieter!

I tested it on me and John when I first got it and chased him around the house for a week, taking his temperature.

"Will you get away from me? What are you doing?" he would push me away, exasperated and wondering how he ended up with this crazy woman.
"I am just making sure it's consistent."

I could tell the only thing he thought was consistent was how crazy his wife was. Day in and day out.

You can count on me, John!

Any - hooooooooo.

So, for any mothers who were feeling the same way as me about that awful awful task, please take comfort in the fact that:

a) You are not a freak of nature. Other mothers hate sticking things up their babies' butts too! (At least this mama does)
b) There is an answer out there. And no, I don't work for the company that makes these.

Now, I can take my kids' temperatures as many times in a day as I want. And their diapers stay on.


This public service message has been brought to you by a woman who has had no sleep in over three months, and admittedly has lost sight of her better judgment, so if you think she is cuckoo for recommending this, please go on about your business and keep sticking things up your babies' butt. She would not want to interfere with that joyous task. If you DO want to buy it, this mommy found the best deal was at Amazon, but feel free to look around as well.


Glennon said...

i am laughing. hilarious. also, tish has an armpit temp of 103.5. boo.

Glennon said...

and the blog looks fantastic!

Craig said...

We could have used that last night! Good stuff Kiran

Jennifer said...

I heard this commercial on the radio the other day and thought to myself "I have to have one". Glad to hear it actually works. I am heading to Amazon right now.

Oh and your not a nut, I feel the same way which is why I have 3, yes 3 ear thermometers all of which give me different readings, 2 but thermometers which I refuse to use for the same reasons why you hate to use them and I also bought an ear thing-a-ma-bob, you know when the Doctors check for ear infections. Yes I am a freak that tries to diagnose my children's many illness' and then end up taking them in anyway.

I AM A NUT and I'm ok with that, lol

Kiran (Masala Chica) said...

Craig and Glennon - ughhh. I am sorry to hear about Tish. I hope that she is ok. Let us know if we can help in any way.

And G - awesome post by the way. one of your best yet in my humble opinion. (

Jennifer - wow - you HAVE outdone me. I am glad that I am in good company! It works awesome and is supposed to be as accurate as the RT.

Anonymous said...

It is the best EVER! Explain to John that this purchase falls under necessities. On a side note, if you just do it in the air, it gives you a pretty accurate reading of the temp in your house...yeah I use mine to much too...haha! ~Jen

Kiran (Masala Chica) said...

Jen - you are brilliant. This thing has been a godsend (as you can see). I will tell John we can also use this as a thermostat to further justify the cost ;-)

janine said...

I have one of these and LOVE it and have decided to get 2 new moms in my life this for Christmas! hahaha

Masala Chica said...

Welcome to Masala Chica, Janine. I will also be gifting this to some expectant friends.

like i said - godsend!



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