Put Those Away!

Over the past few weeks, I have been really anxious about a training I was running for the European arm of my company.

I don't know what it is about Europeans that intimidates me. Maybe it's the dry humor of the Germans or the stoic looks of the blondetastic team from Denmark. Maybe it is the sarcastic nature of my British colleagues or perhaps it is the keen fashion sense which they all seem to display across the board which just always makes me feel dowdy in comparison.

So the training is done. I think it went well. And I can breathe again.

Despite my concerns, the Germans were very sweet, the Danish team even laughed at my jokes (ok, just one of them did. That or he had the hiccups) and I held my own with my sarcastic British friends.

They still were all dressed way cooler than me, but that's ok.

But you know how when you are nervous about something, you psyche yourself out about it so much that you just get overwhelmed by the anxiety and stress of it all?

Does that ever happen to you?

And do you have weird dreams about it - like the kind where you are in the 7th grade again and in gym class and all of a sudden all your clothes are gone and everybody is laughing at you, including your gym teacher AND the hot guy from your math class.

One of my old sorority sister's just posted a status on Facebook saying how she just gave a three hour training with her fly down. She realized afterwards, of course.

I totally empathize - I fear this kind of stuff and it happens quite often. Like any time I eat something green, it will end up stuck in my teeth and I won't know until four hours after I ate it.

It's just way the world works.

One time, I had a meeting with one of the Senior VPs at my company regarding a new company initiative. I vowed to myself that I would NOT psyche myself out. That I could handle it.

I was excited to meet with him and made a special effort with my appearance that morning.

Hair. Check.
Makeup. Check.
Cute shirt. Check.

I walked into the meeting with confidence. I was very composed as I spoke with him in great detail about how I thought the project should proceed and what role I could play in it. He then asked me about my future plans and aspirations - kind of a "What do you want to be when you grow up, Kiran?"

He had some great suggestions and I left the meeting really pleased with how things had gone. I reached out and shook his hand and told him "I will do what I need to do, to get the job done."

Kind of cheesy. But I was caught up in the wave of my "be all that you can be" frame of mind and went a little overboard.

And then I walked out. As I was patting myself on the back, one of my co-worker's said "Wow! What are you wearing?"

I thought she was complimenting me as I thought I looked pretty good myself, thank you very much.

I saw her eyes widen. "Or should I say what are you NOT wearing?!"

I looked down.

Awww f$$#.

F&^&ity, F%^!, F%$%!

3 out of the 4 buttons on my shirt had opened.

Like, WIDE open.

Like, put those AWAY open.

Or maybe in my haste to leave the house that morning, they had never been fully closed.

I have no idea what that VP thought. He must have been like, "Wow. Sister may need a raise so she can buy some clothes. Or some buttons."

And when he asked me about my career path he was probably thinking what I really wanted was to be a pole dancer or stripper.

And when I told him I would do whatever it took to get the job done, he was probably like, "Uh, yeah. I can see those. I mean, that."

I think I screamed in anguish for about five minutes. My friend thought it was funny and applauded my "strategy" for getting a raise. (No, I did not, by the way). She didn't think I had it in me to be such a hooker. And she also thought I might want to change career paths and invest in some go-go boots.

She told me this as she handed me three singles.

The whole thing was fantastically mortifying.

What has happened to you that is equally as bad? I beseech you to share.

Pretty puh-lease.

XOXO,
Kiran