Not because I didn't let her watch Dora. Or because I withheld her favorite Gummy Bears from her.
She's too young to remember she is pissed about that at the age of 2 1/2.
So I count on her short term memory to buy me some time and after she gets mad at me, I distract her and say something like, "Are you Mommy's Besty?"
To which (because I still hold the Gummy Bears in this house) she will give me a resounding "Yes! I love you my mommy!"
And I glow and I hug her and bask in the affection because I know how short lived the bliss is.
You see - I'm not naive.
I know that one day, she will scoff at the idea of us being "Besties."
I know that one day, if the worst offense she can find me guilty of is keeping her off a sugar high (and not some other kind of high) we are in really good shape.
I know that one day, the inventory of all the cute things and the cute pictures I take of her to commemorate all that cuteness will be dismissed with a roll of her eyes and careless flip of her hair.
I know that one day, she will bring some guy home, and he will be the prototypical bad boy, and I will hyperventilate until she is safely in her bed.
Hmm. Hmm.
Alone.
Thank you very much.
I know that one day, I will ask her to tell me what is wrong and she will look at me like I can't understand. Like I would never be able to get it.
I know all of these things, because she is me and I am she.
Because, however much of an individual she is and proves to be everyday, there is an irrefutable part of me in her.
So here is what I hope:
That I have the strength to be her mother while always offering the hand of friendship, even when she is not willing to take it.
That she shows better judgement in her vices (and her choice of men) than I have displayed at different points in her life.
That the bad boy is not really that bad. More "Dylan McKay" than "Marilyn Manson."
That I develop some anti-hyperventilation techniques. Quickly.
That she learns from some of my mistakes and talks to me. And lets me listen.
And that when she flips her hair, it's not burnt off from trying to reverse perm the curl out of her hair with a cheap bottle of Ogilve in her parent's bathroom.
Like someone she knows.
XOXO,
Kiran
15 comments:
So beautiful hun and so true although I have all boys I see a lot of me in my oldest...
Where have you been all my life!? You've been missed friend. And this is lovely. With a momma like you, I just know she's going to grow up to be such a beautiful young lady.
But maybe just keep a stash of paper lunch bags in the kitchen just in case. For hyperventilation purposes and all that.
xo
All I can say, Kiran, having come out on the other side of being a surly female teen....someday you will be close again and she will squeel to you on the phone when she gets engaged and you'll lament the trials and tribulations of motherhood and it will all be good again.
But you'll have to survive 15 and numerous door slams first. Good luck with that. I'm so glad you know what you have right now. ;-)
I'm happy to see you! And also, I've had these EXACT SAME thoughts about my girls. Currently, I'm Zoe's best friend. She says so every day. I feel like I need to capture it on video for back-up when she turns 13.
Yeah, this is inevitable and we need to ride it out. I am hoping for the same thing, but accept that there will be challenges.
Keep a printed version of this handy so you can refer back to it in 10 or 12 years.
Mmm... Dylan McKay.... so pretty...
If it helps, I was a little snot for about a year (I think I was 14 or 15) and somewhere after that, I realized it wasn't worth it and that I like my mom as well as loving her.
She's been my best friend ever since.
I couldn't have said it better myself. By the way, love the Dylan McKay reference!
love this! i'm hiding on the computer as molly berates me as she does her homework. apparently i "don't know anything." welcom, kiran, welcome.
Man, your words always come together so beautifully... such talent. And the meaning behind those words is beautiful too. Missed you, my friend!
And - LOVE the video of her trying to catch the butterfly. So cute!
So beautiful and true.
Perms, in all forms, should be outlawed. Please let Shaila know.
I love this one.
I'm still waiting to hear I love you. Come on dude...You're almost two. Mama deserves it. HA!
My daughter is three and I think about this a lot... Having a sense of humor seems to be the only guaranteed survival skill. Everything else we do will be wrong. With the exception of the intermittent days when they decide they need us. It's then that we'll relive the glory days of Mommy being the the one who can fix anything.
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