Too Pretty . . . .

A couple of days ago, I was having a conversation with our lovely Au Pair, Fe, about some of her friends back home in Brazil.

She was giving me the rundown on some of her friends back at home. She was trying to explain one to me in particular . . .

"You know, she is just soooo, sooo nice - and she is sooooo, soooo great. I just miss her so much. And you know - she is so pretty, but she doesn't ACT like she is too pretty, you know what I mean?"

I nodded my head. Because of course I totally understood what she meant.

"I mean, like, she is really pretty. You know, how sometimes . . . ?" Fe looked at me for confirmation.

"How sometimes . . . What?" I asked.

"You know. How sometimes when someone is so good looking, you can't even imagine that they . . . . you know . . . " she said.

"They they . . . what?" I asked.

"That they are so good looking, you can't even imagine that they would like do something . . . like . . . poop."

She looked at me, ready for me to laugh and ask her what the heck she was talking about.

But I totally GOT it.

"Oh man!" I said. "She sounds . . . kind of like . . . well, I bet I wouldn't like her! I hate when people are so pretty - like not-poopable pretty!"

We both nodded our heads in agreement, for this was surely unfair. To be so pretty that your poop probably DID smell like roses.

I felt like we were on to something - some unspoken, but often felt common denominator in the whole attractiveness quotient that certain people command.

"Ok - so like - if we were talking Hollywood celebrities . . . which celebrity would you say you coudn't imagine ever poops?" I asked, just to make sure we had the same standards when judging attractiveness.

"Cameron Diaz. She certainly never poops." Fe said with confidence.

"Are you kidding me? She totally poops. Didn't you ever see "There's Something About Mary"?" Fe nodded but looked confused.

I elaborated. "Well," I explained, "Anyone who does what she did to her hair in that movie is too down to earth to NOT go to the bathroom. She probably burps in public too! Hmmmm. Who would I pick? Oh . . . I know!" Inspiration had hit. "Penelope Cruz!"

Fe nodded, so fast I though her head would come off. "Yes! She would NEVER, EVER poop!" she exclaimed. "Who else? What about for a guy?"

"That guy from "Harry Potter" who is in those stupid "Twilight" movies that you like!" I said.

"You mean Edward? Robert Pattison?" Fe said.

"Whatever!? He can't poop! He's a vampire!" I said, for I am well-versed on these things.

"Precisely," she said, nodding. "Who else?"

"Catherine Zeta Jones." Did you see her in "Entrapment"?

"Oh! That "Zorro" woman would never poop. NOT possible. Also - Angelina Jolie."

"Jennifer Anniston!" Wow - how did Brad Pitt feel about that? Two for two . .

"That girl from Titanic?" Fe said, "You know - Kate Winslet?"

"Yes?" I asked, wondering where she was going.

"Well, she DEFINITELY poops." Fe informed me.

"Wow. Yeah, I can totally see that." This is only because I saw her in "The Extras" when she was talking potty talk as a dirty ass nun,

"And Britney Spears? I bet she is really bad. Like - so bad, there is not enough air freshener for it."

"Hmmm." I said, not wanting to pass judgment (but totally agreeing at the same time).

So, just so everyone knows - we are in the midst of potty training and if you read my post the other day, you will know why we have a one poop, I mean, one track mind. Sorry if I have been a little bit more crass than normal, but if you can't handle this shit, we can't roll together right now, because it's pretty much all we talk about in this house right now . . .

Hope you have a brilliant week . . .

XOXO,
Kiran