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Monday, June 7, 2010

Life Lessons from Sex and the City

I don't get out much these days.

As someone who used to be a complete and utter extrovert, this would have been an alarming idea to me when I was in my 20's. I would have looked at you like you were LOCO had you told me I would prefer to spend most of my weekends at home.

But the reality is, it's just so much easier. And given the full time job and two kids in diapers, going out seems like a total pain in the ass. At least for now.

So it was a nice treat to go out with a lovely group of women last night to watch "Sex in the City 2" and not be thinking about potty training, work drama or the rather strange color of Nico's poop that day.

And what I learned last night were some extremely valuable lessons. It was a true eye-opening experience.

And I realize that I have totally had it wrong. I am going about my life like a total jackass. Now, thanks to this movie, I plan to incorporate a few changes and I should be good to go.

Note: there may be some spoilers in here, so please don't read if you are a true purist about anyone sullying your movie experience.

Lesson 1: Whining incessantly and nonsensically makes women more desirable to men.

Apparently, I had this totally wrong. I should have been berating John anytime he comes home tired from work, buys new appliances or does not buy me $500 shoes. And if he buys me a gift and I don't like it, I should sulk and insult him and insinuate that he doesn't love me enough.

Lesson 2: Eating is overrated.

If you want to look like Carrie Bradshaw, you should probably just stop eating now. Especially if you want your ribs to stick out just so as you bum around in designer dregs.

It's true though, that all that extra whining may burn additional calories, so if you are on a strict whining regimen, you might be alright.

Lesson 3: When you go to other countries, you should try your hardest to be insulting and make a mockery of the custom and culture

This is a really key lesson. Don't go there with too much respect because the locals won't know how to respond. You need to go with a clear sense of entitlement and superiority and say insulting things about subjects that are taboo in their society. And while you are at it, flip everyone the bird a few times and be as vulgar as you want.

Lesson 4: Show appreciation

If someone comps your $22,000/night hotel, flies you and your friends first class around the world, provides you each with your own private butler and car, it is really important to show how appreciative you are.

The way to do this is by acting like an oversexed tramp and complain about your hormones the entire time. It is silly to be nice and gracious about it, because this might confuse people and make them think you don't appreciate them. Everyone knows the way to show appreciation is by displaying as little class and self-respect as possible.

Lesson 5: The quickest way to get diamonds is by having "an accident" with an ex

Carrie's little dalliance with Aidan earned her a huge black diamond ring from "Big". If only I had known how rewarding infidelity could be.

Lesson 6: There is no such thing as too much Botox

Seriously. At least not for these ladies.

Lesson 7: Walk the walk

You should always walk like your hips are going to dislocate from your body. Walk like you are on a runway and pose whenever you can, even when you are walking alone on a beach or in a market. Walking pretentiously starts looking natural to people after they watch you doing it for an hour and a half.

Lesson 8: There are worse things than becoming a boring old married couple

There definitely are worse things in the world. Let's forget the serious stuff for a while like poverty, hunger and homelessness. Because that's not real life and it doesn't go well with Carrie's Manolos.

Something that is worse than being an old married couple? Being an annoying, self-absorbed, whiny woman concerned about becoming part of an old married couple.

Way worse.


I may have missed some important lessons, so feel free to contribute. And don't get me wrong - I laughed at certain points in the movie and appreciated Miranda and Charlotte's characters more than I expected to.

The best scene in the movie had to be the very real conversation between Miranda and Charlotte around losing your individuality as a parent once you have children and some of the very real feelings that go along with it.

Loved it.

But the scene was great because it didn't feel contrived and there was something refreshingly honest and sweet about the interaction between two old friends, letting their guards down with each other.

Other than that, the clothes were pretty freaking amazing. I vacillated somewhere between major lust for Carrie's wardrobe and complete confusion.

And the constant male eye candy wasn't so bad either (although I could have dealt without the borderline porno scenes).

I guess I should get out more often, huh?



The Only Girl said...

I just saw the movie on Saturday and although I enjoyed it (and the chance to get out of the house) I do know what you mean! But that's entertainment for ya!

Erin said...

I haven't seen it yet, but am waiting impatiently, esp. after reading this post....

You do need to get out more. I understand how hard it is, but it will keep you sane.

Can't wait to hear the conversation between Miranda and Char about losing yourself when you have kids. Sounds like something I can relate to!

Sadia said...

Yeah, the movie didn't sound worth my time.

For what it's worth, it's FAR more complicated to go out with two kids who are potty trained than two in diapers. (I like to be out anyway, though.)

Anna See said...


Interesting life lessons, Kiran!

Sara said...

I'm not a huge Sex and the City fan, so I loved this.

Wait- men WANT me to whine?

Damn it! No wonder I'm still single...

KLZ said...

Well, if you were whining more you'd have learned all of these lessons earlier.

Shell said...

Haven't seen it yet, but I'll probably wait for the dvd- b/c I don't get out much. LOL

Really? A diamond for cheating? Hmm....

Silvara said...

Saw it over the weekend as well and totally agree with all your points!!

While I HEART the series and even liked the first one, this one was just OTT.

Hahaha...and actually I was like "where's the sex???" Tame compared to the last one :P

AJ said...

I wondered how that movie was going to be...

Ams said...

So THAT'S how I get S to give me the diamond... infidelity. Shit. Why has it taken me so long to figure this out!?

Colleen said...

I haven't seen the movie yet, but that take seems just about right, and you know what? I've been going about things all wrong, too! Too bad I don't have any really hot exes to use for jewelry.

And as far as staying home being easier: AMEN.

Vodka Logic said...

I never got into the show and only watched part 1 under threat.. so no problem with the spoilers... not sure I want to see this one either, except for the clothes and shoes.

Thanks for the fun review.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Haven't seen it yet. . .might wait for pay per view based on this review.

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

1st- so glad you are back. Missed reading you. 2nd- Haven't seen the SATC movie, but I have heard about the appliance gift within the movie. And, all I have to say is that, if hubs comes home with a brand spanking new appliance for me, I will kiss him, do the happy dance, and possibly "reward" him, rather than whine. A new appliance would ellict swoons, exclamations and overall exuberance. :)Obviously, I must not be SATC material any longer. I am OK with that!

Anastasia said...

Thank you so much for those. Silly me. I was doing everything wrong.

SurferWife said...

I have never gotten into SATC, so I obvs wont see the movie, but I love the clothes.

Yes, you do need to get out more. Waaaaay out more. ;) Like north, maybe?

Kristin said...

I'm not on the SATC 2 hate train...I went for the clothes not for the plot. HA. But I can say that I LOVED Miranda and Charlotte's drunken motherhood chat!

The Mommyologist said...

I can't wait to see it! I do agree about needing to get out more though. A girls night always reminds me that I still have some fun left in me and don't always need to rely on my couch and Netflix every weekend!

ShareWIK said...

This blog is so great, I love a good sarcastic sense of humor! Which you seem to have in excess! So funny. I have a website, www.shareWIK,com, and would love to hear from you! ShareWIK (share What I Know) is a website devoted to bringing together women from all different situations and backgrounds (as well as a few men!) to talk about their experiences and learn from each other. We have a group on ShareWIK called "Toddler Parenting" and several other groups that could really use your input. Hope to hear from you!
- Diana Keough
P.S. Heres the link to the group. Just sign in to get started!
And keep up the great work!

Candice said...

I was a HUGE SITC fan when it was on HBO, and I saw the last movie the day it came out. However, this new one looks extremely lame, so my plan is to watch it when it comes on DVD. If that.

Trooper Thorn said...

And ignore your gay friend for long stretches of time and only hang out when there is something beneficial in it for you.

Trooper Thorn said...

Or maybe that was more in the show. I haven't seen the movie, and unless I accidentally re-marry my ex-wife, I never plan to.


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