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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My Achey Breaky Heart

I have a friend who is going through a case of heartbreak right now.

It's a time I know from past experience. A time when every love song on the radio is about you. Screw it - not just love songs. Every FREAKING song. You start crying when you hear some shit from Jay-Z that you never would have even listened to before, but he liked it and so then you liked it and oh my god, you just can't stop crying.

H to the Izzo, my friends.

What I wanted to tell my friend today was that I completely understand.

I spent my early 20's as the instigator of heartache. And then, things started to change.

I was the recipient of a broken heart, not the creator of one. I learned some humility. I learned that I was also stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

The reality is that I was a "repeat heartacher" - I didn't necessarily move on from my past experience imparted with the wisdom to ensure I did not repeat mistakes. I was just as dumb each time I moved on to the next guy - if anything, my self-confidence had dissipated to a point where I think I actually got progressively dumber about my choices when it came to the men I chose to keep company with.

To pine for.

To be pretty pathetic about, quite frankly.

I recall one of my first memories of heartbreak in college. I was dating a really nice guy. His name was Michael and he was the SPIT and IMAGE (some of you will think I wrote this wrong and should have said spitting image - but trust me, I am right) of Tom Cruise.

Now, this was Tom Cruise before he had jumped on Oprah's couches and started praying to aliens and beating up on Brooke Shields.

Tom Cruise before that crap was pretty damn hot. Who remembers Tom Cruise in the first Mission Impossible? Hellloooooo . . . .

So anyway.

Mike was the SPIT and IMAGE (i told you - go and reference it - it's right!) of Mr. Top Gun himself. Add to that, he was a swimmer on our men's championship swim team and you can guess he wasn't too shabby when it came to his physique either.

So, you know how the story goes. He's really into me. Like, REALLY into me. I'm not really sure I'm all that into him. But he convinces me. I fall in love. I'm really into HIM, really into him. And then - well.


Now, I don't blame him. If I looked like the biggest movie star out there and I rocked a body like that - I would probably not want to be stuck with me either. I would milk it for what it was worth and surround myself with as many sorority girls as I possibly could.

And so he did.

And so I cried. Oh boy, did I cry.

But I healed. It took some time, but it happened.

Until the next guy came along . . . and I got to do it all over again . . .

I'm married today, and I recall all of this now with a wry smile on my face and the wounds on my heart fully healed. While it hurt like hell - I wouldn't trade these experiences for the world.

What I want to tell my friend (and he knows very well who he is, as he sits there writing drunk Facebook status messages that are looking more and more like he is mainlining Tequila) is this:

You will move on.
You will find someone else.
It's possible that your heart may break again.
Your heart won't know what joy means if it has never felt pain.
You will learn to respect love more with each moment that passes of your pain.
And you will heal.
Vodka won't heal it. Anger won't heal it.
But you can use them as a crutch. For a day, for maybe two.
But NO more.
You can cry. But again - not for too long.
You will pick yourself up. You will dust yourself off.
You WILL NOT drunk dial.
Never drunk dial.
You are loved. You are supported.
Love will come again.

[A] final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works. ~T.E. Kalem



foxy said...

Excellent advice for your friend, Kiran. Eventually, you do get over it... and that's when you're really thankful to be on the other side and able to see clearly. I agree that you have to go through The Heartache to really be able to appreciate The One when it comes along. Good luck to your friend.

Tracie said...

Your poor friend. We've all been there. This was good advice and his suffering may help him really appreciate the right one when she comes along.

KLZ said...

Swimmers are just the sexiest aren't they?

Oh, was that not the point?

Not wallowing is really, really hard to do. But necessary.

Shell said...

Such a beautiful post. So true. It hurts like hell when you are going through it, but you do move on.

AJ said...

We've all been there, crying over a broken heart. They do heal. When it's true love, there will always be something... there, but you do always move on and usually move UP!

SurferWife said...

All those scars on our hearts make us the strong and wise people we are today.

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

The only way I am now able to appreciate hubs is all the pain that I felt in my past. So, GREAT advice, Kiran. Also, I loved the old, non-jumping, anti alien loving Tom. Now, he just gives me the willies. :)

Mama Hen said...

Hey Kiran, That Spit and Image through me. He, he, he! There are some funny ones out there that we do not realize we might be saying wrong! Anyway, heartbreak is always tough! Some are easy to get over and others can take quite a while! My first hearbreak inspired me to run away to Mexico to get over it. I ended up with a new boyfriend of two years who was famous! Nice! I spent two years touring with him! Even better! Moral of the story, something better is around the corner! Come visit me at Mama's Little Chick!

Mama Hen


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