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Monday, April 19, 2010

Writing Your Own Story

He closes the book.

He is tired.

He has written his stories and there are many, many chapters. More chapters than he expected to ever have written. Because his life has been prolific enough on its own to warrant the extra pages.

He feels like it could be mistaken as vanity, but when your story spans continents, spans different centuries, spans across a lifetime of "what ifs" and "could haves," well . . .

Circumstance makes the longer table of contents and the numerous footnotes necessary.

While writing this book, chapters have come about in ways he did not envision when he first started his journey.

Because when writing, what you start with is never exactly what you expected to end up with.

Characters have taken turns he did not expect. The plot veered off course all too often and tragedy and pain, often times unexpected, pepper the chapters throughout the book.

In his naivete and innocence when he first started this book, he had hoped for more of a romantic comedy. That would have been nice.

But that's not what he looks at as he scans the pages of the book before him today.

And that's ok.

It is what it is.

And so his story is written.

But he is tired. And he doesn't want to write anymore.

Because at this point, he is looking for someone else to finish the book.

He knows that no matter how much he labored on tying everything together and giving each character meaning and substance, that each character developed a life of its own. That not all characters will bend to the pen.

He knows that in this story he has forgiven. And he know what it means to be forgiven.

He knows that in this story, what often seemed wrong or right, was never really quite so clear and that shades of gray made some chapters harder to close then others. Made some characters harder to vilify.

Because there were no villains. There were no heroes or maidens.

There was just life.

And he realizes that no matter how much you want to create a happy ending, some characters just can't give that to you. That over the course of developing some of these characters, that they go their own way. They create a new path for themselves and twists in the story he could not have anticipated.

And it's hard to bring them back.

He wants to take chapters and re-write pages and pages. Maybe even rip them out of the book if he can.

But he can't do that.

None of us can do that.

The story has a heart of it's own, a life that he may have given it. But one which now speaks its own mind. And takes directions that cannot be edited by his pen with much effect.

He closes the book.

He is tired of writing. At least for today.

But he knows that this is his story.

And he will finish it.

There are chapters to go still. And while things may not tie up neatly the way he expected, he is alright with that.

He will finish it.

But just not today. He has way too much living to do.

********************************************************

"You must have control of the authorship of your own destiny. The pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand."


- Author Irene Kassorla

12 comments:

singedwingangel said...

That was just beautiful and so true...

SaraPlaysHouse.com said...

Beautiful. And Awesome.
But I'm left wondering if you're okay. I hope that you are. And all the people in your life are okay as well.

foxy said...

This is so beautiful, Kiran. Honest, truthful, real. I had to go back and read it a second time to really soak it all up. I don't know if I've said it before, but you really have a way with words.

Sarah said...

This is beautiful. You are a wonderful writer. And it's so so true. Love the quote at the end.

KLZ said...

This was so lovely

"And he realizes that no matter how much you want to create a happy ending, some characters just can't give that to you." - a lesson we all need to learn.

jessalyn said...

this is amazing. it says so much so beautifully.

ok lady, you are gorgeous, obscenely talented with your writing and singing and whatnots, and you have a beautiful family. if you weren't like the nicest, funniest girl ever, i might have to hate you. ;)

MiMi said...

That is beautiful, friend. Lovely!

Nikita said...

A lovely post indeed, Kiran. And the quote at the end :)

Lemon Gloria said...

That was lovely, Kiran.

Candice said...

Wow, I'm so impressed.

Very beautifully written. :)

Erin said...

Incredible post, beautifully written. Powerful and moving.

;-)

T!nK said...

I absolutely love this post.

 

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