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Monday, August 31, 2009

Dating is Complicated

That's probably a weird title for a blog entry for someone who is happily married and just had her second baby, but I have to say that I am really glad I am not dating right now. There are a myriad of reasons for that:

a) It saves me a lot of time and effort. I now happily can embrace a muffintop and my roots always show just a bit longer than they ever did when my husband and I were just dating. He probably thinks its age (or he hasn't yet noticed), but in actuality, I have just gotten lazier about the whole thing. (Sadly, he still thinks I spend too much time and money on my hair which just goes to show you how little he really knows regarding my past priorities and spending habits)

b) I can now catch up on quality TV versus spending nights lamenting on what a guy thought of me after our date, worrying why someone hasn't called, or figuring out how to blow off the guy I am just not interested in. For someone who didn't even have basic cable before when I was single, my DVR has now become one of my most invaluable possessions.

c) Facebook. This is the biggest reason I am SO happy that I am not dating now. Forget about all of the normal etiquette and mindgame crap that you had to deal with before ("he hasn't called!" or "what did he REALLY mean when he said XYZ?"). Now you have to deal with even more issues that someone who is potentially obsessive compulsive would have loads of fun dealing with. For example:

When do you friend someone?
Is it after a date? Is it after a few dates? Do you wait till you're engaged? Seriously, you would be able to see every hot new chick that has friended this guy and be able to read what he wrote on someone else's wall or what that bleached blonde with the fake you know whats-its had to comment about his status updates. Who needs that?

Do you inventory their friends?
If you know that slutty chick with the roots who has been hitting on him for the past six months is suddenly on his friend list, do you investigate? I mean, I'm not saying I would, because I am way chill about these things, but I would at least monitor ALL wall postings for at least the next two weeks.

Unanswered emails or messages
So this is what would drive someone (not me, but someone less secure than me, per se) absolutely loco - let's just say that he hasn't called you back or hasn't responded to your email but you can see from all of his freaking status updates and wall activity that he is responding to SOMEONE. See that is just way too transparent. I like it the good old fashioned way where someone can play mind games with you from afar and you have no visibility to what they are doing when they are ignoring you.

When is it appropriate to say "in a relationship"?
You wouldn't want to jump the gun to early on changing your relationship status, but what if you just start dating someone and all of a sudden they change their status to "in a relationship." Is it because they are conceding that they are in a relationship to YOU or is it a relationship to that skanky blonde chick who keeps showing up on his wall. How do you really know? And if you don't specify the name, its possible that you just might not know. And if you get in a fight and are just REALLY REALLY pissed off, do you go and withdraw relationship status? Like - who the heck does he think he is? I will so not acknowledge that we are in a relationship until he makes up for XYZ. In which case, I think you could be kind of all over the place with the whole relationship status thing and it could actually contribute to more problems/angst/questions for your actual relationship.

WHAT A HEADGAME!!

So this is why I think dating today is WAY, WAY more complicated than it ever was before and I am so happy that I don't have to do it today. However, I think that it takes serious balls to get out there today and deal with what has become an increasingly complicated dating playing field. I still think that things were so much less complicated when we met the people we ended up in love with drunk at a bar. Seriously.

To all the brave souls who are enduring the dating jungle today - hang in there. It's not working out for anyone on "The Bachelor," so take some comfort in the fact that you probably will still have better luck than them and you don't have to do it on national television. Just in front of everyone on your Friend List ;-)

5 comments:

Glennon said...

oh girl im with you. i shudder at the thought. i am grateful every day that i didn't have to decide who to marry.
love the blog!!!!

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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