Dating is Complicated

That's probably a weird title for a blog entry for someone who is happily married and just had her second baby, but I have to say that I am really glad I am not dating right now. There are a myriad of reasons for that:

a) It saves me a lot of time and effort. I now happily can embrace a muffintop and my roots always show just a bit longer than they ever did when my husband and I were just dating. He probably thinks its age (or he hasn't yet noticed), but in actuality, I have just gotten lazier about the whole thing. (Sadly, he still thinks I spend too much time and money on my hair which just goes to show you how little he really knows regarding my past priorities and spending habits)

b) I can now catch up on quality TV versus spending nights lamenting on what a guy thought of me after our date, worrying why someone hasn't called, or figuring out how to blow off the guy I am just not interested in. For someone who didn't even have basic cable before when I was single, my DVR has now become one of my most invaluable possessions.

c) Facebook. This is the biggest reason I am SO happy that I am not dating now. Forget about all of the normal etiquette and mindgame crap that you had to deal with before ("he hasn't called!" or "what did he REALLY mean when he said XYZ?"). Now you have to deal with even more issues that someone who is potentially obsessive compulsive would have loads of fun dealing with. For example:

When do you friend someone?
Is it after a date? Is it after a few dates? Do you wait till you're engaged? Seriously, you would be able to see every hot new chick that has friended this guy and be able to read what he wrote on someone else's wall or what that bleached blonde with the fake you know whats-its had to comment about his status updates. Who needs that?

Do you inventory their friends?
If you know that slutty chick with the roots who has been hitting on him for the past six months is suddenly on his friend list, do you investigate? I mean, I'm not saying I would, because I am way chill about these things, but I would at least monitor ALL wall postings for at least the next two weeks.

Unanswered emails or messages
So this is what would drive someone (not me, but someone less secure than me, per se) absolutely loco - let's just say that he hasn't called you back or hasn't responded to your email but you can see from all of his freaking status updates and wall activity that he is responding to SOMEONE. See that is just way too transparent. I like it the good old fashioned way where someone can play mind games with you from afar and you have no visibility to what they are doing when they are ignoring you.

When is it appropriate to say "in a relationship"?
You wouldn't want to jump the gun to early on changing your relationship status, but what if you just start dating someone and all of a sudden they change their status to "in a relationship." Is it because they are conceding that they are in a relationship to YOU or is it a relationship to that skanky blonde chick who keeps showing up on his wall. How do you really know? And if you don't specify the name, its possible that you just might not know. And if you get in a fight and are just REALLY REALLY pissed off, do you go and withdraw relationship status? Like - who the heck does he think he is? I will so not acknowledge that we are in a relationship until he makes up for XYZ. In which case, I think you could be kind of all over the place with the whole relationship status thing and it could actually contribute to more problems/angst/questions for your actual relationship.

WHAT A HEADGAME!!

So this is why I think dating today is WAY, WAY more complicated than it ever was before and I am so happy that I don't have to do it today. However, I think that it takes serious balls to get out there today and deal with what has become an increasingly complicated dating playing field. I still think that things were so much less complicated when we met the people we ended up in love with drunk at a bar. Seriously.

To all the brave souls who are enduring the dating jungle today - hang in there. It's not working out for anyone on "The Bachelor," so take some comfort in the fact that you probably will still have better luck than them and you don't have to do it on national television. Just in front of everyone on your Friend List ;-)

The Dumbing Down of Kiran

Please don't judge me but . . . well, while I was on bedrest and now that I am on maternity leave, I have to admit that I have pretty much sunk to a level that I would never sink to when it comes to reality television. As a matter of fact, I think I would have snorted with derision at myself if I could have seen myself in the future, only a few years ago. Which just goes to show you . . . WHAT A COMPLETELY JUDGEMENTAL PERSON I was because boy, let me tell you - you can learn a LOT about life from reality television. It is chock full of wisdom that no Emmy award winning drama or even your own life can provide you.

My husband John disagrees of course and while he generally withholds comments, when he is going through our DVR recordings trying to find something to watch, I can see the look of confusion on his face as he encounters some of my newer recordings which have included:

Keeping up with the Kardashians

Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami

My Antonio

The T.O. Show

Now, while he generally does edit his comments due to what he perceives to be a highly sensitised hormonal state for me, I did hear him mutter under his breath "Who else would take Miami? Of course it would be Kourtney and Khloe . . ." before he turned to me and asked "So who the heck are Kourtney and Khloe? And what's with all the K's?" I can tell he is trying not to laugh but what am I to do? It's off-season and I am trying to stay entertained when the baby is napping and I don't have the mental capacity to handle anything more sophisticated than an Ellen DeGeneres re-run.

But the premise of these shows is fantastic. Let me tell you a little about each of them.

"The T.O. Show" is an honest and open reflection of the sensitive and highly misunderstood Terrell Owens. Man - that guy is deep and it took this reality show on VH1 to show me how wrong all of my misperceptions of this man. And the show is NOT SCRIPTED at all, which makes it so much more real, you know what I mean? Although, I still haven't figured out how he "surprised" his girlfriend at her house in Colorado with the cameras rolling in her living room and she still didn't seem to know he was on his way over. But you know - these things must happen when you are a reality high roller. It's like "The Hills" for football fans, but 100 times more real. Seriously.

"My Antonio" is an amazing reality dating show with Calvin Klein hearthrob Antonio Sabato, Jr. "looking for love in all the wrong places" to quote Eddie Murphy on SNL. The man, who while genetically gifted from a physical perspective, is obviously mentally challenged and this is the first reality dating show that addresses what a washed up pseudo celebrity with an obvious and sad mental handicap must do to find true love. He has had it tough when it comes to love. According to him - he was married and then had some relationships but now, he is all alone. So now he goes to Hawaii to find true love.

Within the first ten minutes of the show, I knew that Antonio was serious about this and not just another celebrity looking to reclaim a few more moments of fame when he pulled a girl aside from the group and asked her to leave because she had ugly hands and feet. That shows me that he really meant business. I tried not to feel bad for the girl as she was utterly humiliated on her first glass of champagne, trying to hide her ugly as sin hands and feet on the way out.

So - I do hope that Antonio finds love this season because once Brett Michaels comes back for Round 4 on Rock of Love, I won't have much more time to give to Antonio if this season does not resolve his very legitimate loneliness problems.

I won't even comment on "Keeping up with the Kardashians" or "Kourtney and Khloe take Miami." I guess you will just have to watch them to recognize the sheer brilliance of these reality dramas.

And while we are on the topic of reality shows, what the heck is up with Project Runway moving to Lifetime? And do you think the crazy Housewives of New Jersey will come back for Round 2?

OMG - I am a total reality monster. I know it. I recognize it. I am not sure I can embrace it but acceptance is a huge first step in addressing the fact that I have a problem.